Restrictions on 1st Amendment

Dear Loyal Blogging Readers/Subscribers of Asian:

I learned what it feels like to not be able to look at blogging websites. It really does suck – stupid communist countries. I thought I wouldn’t post but I’m really bored (note: I’m writing this post on a Word document so I can go publish it once I get to free speech territory – Korea).

Anyways, my vacation has been actually worse than I had imagined. Don’t get me wrong – Thailand was unbelievable: who would’ve thought I would actually dive into a 50 feet waterfall? Phuket/Ko Phi Phi is better than advertised.

The real reason why I’m down – I think I’m slowly learning that I’m not as anti-social and introspective as I had once thought I was. I thought I’d love being alone – to be honest, I was actually lonely the past few days. If it wasn’t for Lucy that I could bother online, I would’ve been in boredom hell. I always tell people – there’s a reason that there’s 250 billion people in this world. It’s so that you don’t have to go through “life” all by yourself. I tell people that, yet I always thought that I’d be better off alone. I always thought that I could run away from my problems – but clearly, I can’t.

All in all, I think this vacation itself was needed for me. I realized that I don’t ever want to be alone. It’s funny because I put up this front of me being this macho douchebag, but I realize that this isn’t true (at least the macho part). I try to front like I’m the most down to earth guy that doesn’t give a shit, but in reality, I actually am probably the most paranoid person known to mankind. I try to act like I don’t care what others think of me as, but I’m the most insecure bastard I know of. All for one question: why the fuck am I so retarded?

My response is this: I’ve been raised like this since I was born. I don’t want to use a scapegoat. I really don’t. But I’ve been embedded throughout my entire life to serve my parents, to serve those that I care about. The idea of me doing what I want over the good of the family never crossed into my mind. If anything, that thought crossed my mind about 1.5 years ago when I vowed to myself that I would never let my parents have a say in who I will marry.

I also realized during this vacation that I’m a needy bastard. I realized that I love the few friends I have. I realized that there are certain things I can’t pack away in my life. I know this sounds really melodramatic, gay, faggoty and retarded – but my last night in Thailand (minus the time chatting with Lucy), I sat on the back porch and just started thinking about what events happened in my short-lived life that has brought me to my exact moment here. Right now.

I’m an adamant believer that everything happens for a reason, and I started looking at the shit that’s happened in the past, and I started dissecting it one by one. And it’s really funny because I could probably justify every shit that has happened to me for the better – even those that I would think was completely dicking me over (See, e.g., Me getting sent to Marines Boot Camp at the tender age of 15).

A few random thoughts:

* Grades came out. Good news is that I’m currently on pace to become a 3L. Bad news – not a single fucking “A” (granted, only 2 grades came out yet) so far to show for more “hard” work I put in this semester.
* Before I left, I spent 14 hours of my last 72 hours in the U.S. talking to Lucy. It’s been a while since I actually used my phone. It’s actually been a REALLY long time. Thank you Lucy for everything. But you already know this so I don’t need to go in-depth bout this now, do I? :]
* NBA Playoffs – Can’t get in touch with it because they don’t televise big black men groping each other in Asia unfortunately.
* May 23rd – AC Milan v. Liverpool. This is gonna be GOOOOOODDDD.
* My mom is trying to pretty me up when I go to Korea – this entails me getting shots injected into my face so I lose the fat in my cheeks + getting lasered up on my face to remove the shit pimples on my forehead. Apparently, weighing 156 at the height of 5’7’’ is considered obese as well in Asia. I now am trying to shoot to weigh no more than 150 by the end of this summer. Perhaps me being Asian itself is what drives me in becoming much of a self-insecure bastard itself. Fucking Asians.

Hope all you guys are enjoying your summer (besides those that graduated and are studying for the Bar). I promise this will be my last post until June 1st. I promise I promise - UNLESS I need to post something that I feel is necessary to share with this world.

With Regards,

ALS.

Edit: Boy does it feel to be back home in 2 years. I still have my bedroom (well minus all the photo albums and the golf clubs that are stuffed here).