Am I a Douchebag? Part II

I had a fucking miserable day.

1) I forgot to charge my iPod so I couldn't listen to my morning jams before work. Trust me, it matters a lot. I need my morning music + venti iced coffee from starbucks (I'm fully aware that I sound like a lil bitch on her period right now)

2) I got into an argument with my roommate via email exchanges from work. The origin of the argument - I joked with him to see if he wanted to get off work and I'll miss class to go golfing. The fact that we got into a huge argument with that was what pissed me off. I felt like I was in a marriage at that point.

3) Stock market - not US, but Asian stock market. Just so I don't narrow my identity, I'll leave it at that, but I lost $2600 in the last 36 hours (I pulled out my stocks fyi).

4) While eating Chipotle's from work, I spilled it on my pants. I had a huge bean stain that looked like diarrhea stain.

5) Continuation from #4, I was clearly foreshadowing going to my school afterwards and having to deal with "nice" law students asking me wtf happened to my pants. I had a script ready to say: I shat myself.

6) I have this GIGANTIC fucking useless litigation going on with some douchebags from Singapore that I got staffed on. These fuckers made my life at work for the last week a burning hell.

7) I was about to just miss school due to 1-6), but I realized I had to stay in late to judge for Moot Court. I was furious that I had to stay at school till 8 with my shit stain on my pants.

All in all, today was AWESOME and GLORIOUS. Now moving on to my new topic:


In continuation of the *project* I set out forth (see below post - I'm conducting a research to see what qualifies one as a douchebag in law school), I have come across a very interesting article posted by Barely Legal almost a year ago. In sum, the post discusses 20 things not to do to make sure you're not a douchebag. I'm going to be honest in answering these 20 "tips"/"questions" from my memory of what I was like my first year. Bolded part is my reply to this 20 point checklist. The general rule: if I answer to the affirmative on more than 10, I will consider myself a d-bag.

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20 Tips to Avoid Being A Douchebag in Law School....

We have been getting lots of requests lately from anxious 1Ls-to-be, asking for advice on a variety of topics, from “how close should I live to school” to “what is the best method to highlight my casebooks”. My advice to them is not nearly as narrow as their questions. Simply put, I tell them not to go. Sadly, these folks don’t realize that if they are asking me for law school advice, things probably aren’t going to work out quite like they hope. But if they refuse to listen to me, and insist on starting school in the fall, I will dispense one crucial piece of advice: Don’t be a douchebag. Here’s how:

1) Don’t ask random bloggers about how to highlight your casebooks.

Did not do this. I didn't even know blogs existed until I came to law school.

2) Don’t be the person at orientation talking about how you have already done the reading for the first day.

Did not do this. I didn't realize that we had an assignment in the first place. I thought that it was like undergrad where professors introduce who they are, and we go around introducing ourself, and class ends. Needless to say, my first class (Contracts) ever in law school - I was the FIRST one (imagine that) to get called on. I still remember the question: "Mr. X, what is the only state that has not adopted the UCC?" Trust me, I'll forever know the answer to that question (Louisiana).

3) Actually, don’t read for the first day of class before orientation starts.

Did not do this.

4) Don’t make a color coded graph of when you are going to study and for what. And if you do, please, don’t share it with other people. (Seriously, I actually was subjected to a detailed explanation of someone’s study plan at orientation.)
No. However, I know of many OCDs who do this regularly.

5) The following words should never leave your mouth: “I pulled an all-nighter at the library”; “I started outlining after the first week”; “I started outlining after the first month”; “I started outlining before Thanksgiving Break”; “My outline is longer than yours.”
"I started outlining before Thanksgiving Break" - yes, I did this and said this. Damn it, that's 1.

6) Don’t announce your intentions to be on Law Review, even if it’s the one goal that would make your life complete.
I didn't announce this, but I thought of it. Does that count? Shit.... Let's say this is 2 just because I thought like a douchebag.

7) And don’t “coincidently” buddy up to 2Ls on Law Review either. Your intentions couldn’t be more obvious if you sent them a dozen roses and a pair of your underwear.
No. But I did think for a second of wanting to bang this one chick on LR so I tried talking to her. Didn't work out too well.

8) Don’t go introduce yourself to your professors. They don’t care who you are, nor should you want them to know who you are.
No. But wait... I did go to office hours to ask about Erie Doctrine for Civ Pro... does that count? 3.

9) Don’t wear work clothes to school unless you either just came from work or are going directly to work. No one is impressed.
I wore timbs and jeans with my hoodie to class. Now, I have to dress like a dick because I go to class straight from work M-Thurs.

10) Unless you have had major surgery on your back, do not buy a rolling book suitcase thing. If you can’t carry your books on your back, hit the gym.
No.

11) Don’t have a douchebaggy name like Jordon, Jacob, Moiz, Kyle, or Ethan. Seriously consider a name change.
Ha. FAAAAARR from it. trust me.

12) Don’t email us and announce your intentions to start a blog and become our successors. If we had a dollar for every time someone did this, we’d have enough to buy one of each item on the McDonald’s Extra Value menu.
No. But I do give you credit for giving me the 20 checklist guideline of what douchebags in law school consists of.

13) Don’t brag about having lunch with your professor.
Nope.

14) In fact, don’t have lunch with professors.
Had to. First year - my professor held a brown bag session for our small section. That's 4... getting there.

15) Don’t raise your hand and arrogantly give the professor an answer. You came here to learn the law, don’t act like you already know it. You don’t know shit.
5. I do this - I admit, but only when professors themselves are saying dogshit material that's filled with bias of socialism with a hint of Mao Ze Dong's Red Book.

16) Don’t wear your fraternity shirts to law school. I don’t care how great your Kappa Sigma Fall 2004 Annual Moonlight Semiformal Barn Dance was; now you just look like a tool.
I was in a frat and I de-activated myself after a year. Does it look like I would?

17) Do not refer to books like One L, or Law School Confidential for guidance. Even if you have read these books, never ever, when a situation arises, say “Well, inOne L, Turow says…”
Nope.

18) Do not, under any circumstances, raise your hand when there are five minutes or fewer left in class. And if someone who routinely does this should happen to get struck by a car, his classmates cannot be blamed if they don’t rush to his aid.
6. I did this once (don't ask.. I got tramped on by my classmates afterwards, and thereafter became a loner)

19) BarBri will try to get you to reserve your seat as a 1L. Keep walking. It’s probably a good idea to make sure you can pass first year classes before you start worrying about the bar exam.
7. I signed up the second week.

20) Finally, don’t be the person that schleps the Westlaw water bottles the size of a big gulp around all the time, and causes a huge backup at the water fountain because it takes seven minutes to fill. Just because it's free doesn't mean you have to use it. Save a shred of dignity.
Nope.

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All in all, I'm almost a douchebag. But so far, not yet there. I need more studies to do...